I have been avoiding my blog for a little while because I’ve been feeling really down lately. I tried writing about all of the reasons for my latest despondency last night…I think I got close to 2,000 words but then like some kind of emo kid I decided not to post it after all. It felt good to get it all out of my system, so perhaps I knew all along that it was really more for that purpose than for anything else. After all, this blog is meant to be about my works in progress, not so much about the things that occasionally threaten to hold me back.
One of the major things that happened to me over the past week that I will mention here briefly is that I was finally offered that dream job that I have been wishing for since I was fresh out of college. Then after several days of pure excitement over what I believed was going to be the beginning of a new, highly anticipated, and much happier chapter in my life, I was forced to decline said dream job over petty money issues that are all completely out of my control at the moment. I had full support from my family, friends, and even my boss, but in the end I realized that my hands were tied financially and that I would not be able accept the amazing opportunity. The timing just wasn’t right. Between my husband still trying to find his way at his newish job with the magazine and as a DJ, our rent suddenly skyrocketing almost immediately after I decided cut back from five days to four days at Trader Joe’s in order to teach painting classes and work on my book, and us still in the midst of trying to purchase our first home, there were just too many unknown and potentially volatile factors for me to add on one more thing to the pile. Because of all of this I have found myself pretty locked into the role of having to be the stable and reliable one…at least for a little while longer until we can figure a few of these things out and let the dust settle a bit.
So although this was a completely crushing blow for me when it happened, I’ve just been trying my best to keep my hopes up for any more opportunities that may come along in the future. I also haven’t stopped working on my book. An interesting discovery that I made while I was working on my last illustration is that when you are very depressed, it is unusually difficult to draw a happy facial expression. Every smile tends to look like a sneer or pained like it’s being forced for a photo. I definitely had that problem for the first time while drawing Kris in the image below. It took some serious working out, but I think I fixed it well enough. A tired looking smile still makes sense on Christmas morning.
I actually am already working on the coloring of the illustration after this one, which I plan on finishing tonight. I might not post the next one in sequential order though because I don’t want to give away the ending.